Our Mountains and Our Molehills - Part 3

The third step I took was deciding to let go. When I hyperstimulated I decided to take control. I took a little too much. Then I took a lot more until I was begging for God to hear me and yet I wasn't allowing Him to speak into my life or move. I put Him in a tiny little box and kept Him on my shelf. I took Him out once and a while to admire Him and then promptly put Him back on the shelf so I could "fix".  I was so tired.  Tired of the burden of so many stresses and not being able to carry the load anymore.  I was literally suffocating in my anxiety from the burden of it all. 


Matthew 17:20 says, "And He said to them, "Because of the littleness of your faith; for truly I say to you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move; and nothing will be impossible to you."


This is my daily proclomation now.  Where was my faith?  I know I keep going on and on about faith but without it life is incredibly overwhelming.  Recently I had to make a tough decision about a job opportunity.  I had to be more patient than I think I have ever been to wait for the right job to become available.  I prayed and prayed that God would "hurry up already" and let me make a move.  It did take a lot of prayer and a lot of faith but He did honor my prayers and the desire of my heart.  For my faithfulness I have been given an incredible gift of amazing co-workers and an incredible company that I get call my own now.  How good is my God?  I shouldn't be amazed or surprised but honestly I hope that my amazement of God never ceases.  It's an incredible place to be. 


So here I sit writing this post and I'm sure you are wondering where we stand with our fertility journey.  In my quiet time with God (if you don't do this you are really missing out on a tremendous blessing), He showed me how important it is to have faith in Him.  Not only that but also to focus on my health and not "infertility".  I can also have what I say so I am trying to re-phrase my language to focus on the positive and not always negative.  I have started some homeopathic treatments as well as focusing on my spiritual health.  In addition to taking natural supplements I am beginning to research going organic for my food source.  Not only for fertility but to feel good and be healthy.  It's a challenge for sure but I look forward to the journey. 


Will we go back to fertility treatments?  I'm unsure of what God has for us.  Right now I am trusting Him to know what is best for us and to lead us in the right direction.  After a lot of prayer and mild arguments with God; I feel led to start a support group for women who are going through similar trials.  I have prayed and God has laid it on my heart that we should not have to hide our pain and guilt, but rather lean on the body of Christ for support and love.  I've always been transparent and it has not always ended well for me.  In fact, most often it ends up hurting me ten fold.  I am trusting God to protect my heart in this process as well as the hearts of whatever women I might be blessed enough to encounter and show the love of God to.  Together with my OBGYN we are working on founding a Christ centered support group for women facing fertility issues.  I keep thinking of how good it will feel to talk to women who know absolutely the pain that accompanies these challenges and how God can work in the lives of these women including myself.  I am relieved to put the stress and the pain behind me and face brighter days ahead. 


I feel so much contentment and peace today.  It's been a while since I've been in this place with my heart. Thank you Jesus for being my savior, my Abba Father, and my Jehovah-Jireh.  <3