So, I asked for it. I prayed that God would refine me in this fertility process and that He would show me any offensive way in me. I got what I asked for and then some.
Last Monday I had a diagnostic laparoscopy done in light of my inability to maintain a pregnancy. It was scheduled for Monday evening as the surgery was only supposed to take 45 minutes at most. After beginning the surgery my doctor found a tremendous amount of endometriosis. A 45 minute surgery turned into 5 plus hours.
When I woke up; I found out I had been admitted to the hospital due to the severity of the endometriosis and extent of the surgery. I was pretty out of it and hurting badly and had a hard time understanding just exactly what had happened. My husband had talked to the doctor after my surgery and while I trust him and love him dearly I really wanted to hear from the doctor about what she found and what my prognosis was.
I was discharged the following day and went to the office on that following Thursday. Initially she had me seeing her nurse practitioner but she had no idea what had gone on during my surgery so I asked to see my doctor in person. She told me about the extent of the endometriosis. She told me that it was so severe that my ovaries were both adhered to organs and that it was very bad. She got most of it out and told me that the next 3 months are my most fertile and the highest chances for getting pregnant without invitro. After that time frame she said Invitro will be our only option in order to avoid a hysterectomy.
Yes, this is good news and yet I have to admit to you how much my heart hurts for the months past. She told me she lifted one ovary and saw a ton of eggs just sitting in there because they were trapped. My heart broke when I heard that. All I could think about was all the little eggs that could've been my own little babies in my arms. After I was over the initial hurt my doctor told me about my prognosis.
Yes, I have 3 months with the highest fertility and that is a true gift from God, but what came next terrified me. She diagnosed me with stage 4 endometriosis. This means that it is going to come back. The higher the estrogen in my body the faster it will grow. The treatments needed to get me pregnant will unfortunately speed the growth of the endometriosis, although how fast it will grow is unknown. She told me that with stage 4 endometriosis it usually gets so bad and painful that it results in a hysterectomy. Knowing that we want children, of course will delay this unless it is absolutely necessary.
It is so easy to hear the medical facts and let it break you. I spent a week feeling broken and cried every day. Of course, I had some physical complications that contributed to my emotionalism. I poured my heart out to God asking why with no answers coming. Then today I realized that I asked God to refine me. During my prayer time today God reminded me to focus on the unseen. Yes, the facts laid out before me are daunting. But I serve a God who is more than enough.
My faith is the key to receiving. It takes faith to bring things from the unseen realm of the spirit into the seen realm—the here and now.
Hebrews 11:1 says, “Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
Luke 1:45 "And blessed is she who believed that there would be a fulfillment of what had been spoken to her by the Lord."
There is one way to receive the unseen. That is by faith. So, sometimes even though my faith wavers with the seen I am determined to trust in a God of miracles and a God that can and does move mountains. I am claiming my baby. I am claiming complete health and normal function for my reproductive system. I am claiming my own healthy pregnancy filled with happiness and health. I am claiming my child of my own body. I have faith in God to heal my body. And my heart.
Will you please join with my husband and myself in prayer for total healing and a healthy pregnancy to come? Where two or more are gathered in His name He is among us. <3
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