Andy and I after all this time have been blessed with another pregnancy. We are so happy and yet cautious thanks to our past losses. We found out for we were pregnant after our latest IVF cycle on 11-17-13 on 3DPT!! I couldn't believe it. When I saw that faint blue line after 3DPT I honestly thought it was just my heart wanting to see it. Then at 4DPT it was there and darker! I photo bombed some of my best friends in this amazing infertility community I have come to love so much. And sure enough, I was not crazy or a victim of wishful thinking.
In saying that.... Just because you GET pregnant does not mean that you are automatically in the clear. My body LOVES to be pregnant. In fact, it has been pregnant many, many times. But the pregnancies have not lasted and most have been problematic from the start.
This pregnancy started out well as far as HCG levels. That in and of itself is a HUGE hurtle for us. We have never had "normal" HCG levels come back to us no matter the pregnancies. Until now. And then... it happened. Disaster. On our second beta we only moved 40 points and my progesterone tanked from 40+ to 16. I was devastated. Words cannot express the heartbreak I was experiencing. All I could think of was NOT AGAIN!! Please, Lord, not again.
On our 3rd hcg and first ultrasound we saw the most beautiful sight. Not only did we not miscarry. We had TWO beautiful miracles that God had given us despite all odds!
God is so good. He did this for us. It seemed as though all was lost and He provided for us. I cannot say it enough. I have never had anything so tiny make such a huge dent in my heart.
My numbers have consistently risen appropriately since and we have seen good progress in the growth of the babies as well. However, that being said Baby B's (on the right) yolk sac isn't quite as defined as Baby A's. Which they told me was normal for twins.
At our ultrasound today, we got to see and hear Baby A's heartbeat. It was so incredibly amazing. Andy and I cried so hard. We have never seen our baby's heartbeats. Until today. What a tremendous blessing. And an amazing answer to prayer. Baby B is still behind and while they see great growth and definition in the gestation sac, the yolk sac is still shadowy and hard to nail down. We are praying and believing that Baby B is hiding in my retroverted uterus. It is still incredibly early as I am only 6 weeks 2 days pregnant and we are claiming BOTH of our babies!! God did this for us and He will not abandon us now. I will continually pray for them and believe for them and claim them for the rest of their lives. God is so good. You can see Baby B more clearly in our second picture that I took from our Ultrasound video today.
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Sometimes, when you least expect it, God shows up and shows out. After years of suffering from infertility and miscarriage it is so incredibly easy to become jaded, bitter, depressed, doubtful, hopeless and just plain negative about your circumstances.
In the dark times; it takes every bit of strength and energy you have just to survive from day to day. Even in good times it takes every bit of strength, faith, perseverance, prayers, energy, and every last bit of your heart to remember that for the moment....things are okay. It's hard to fight off fear and anxiety when you have spent years, endless finances and so much of your heart invested in your dream of parenthood. I know many of you have the scars on your knees just like we do. Scars from begging God to give you the miracle you so desperately need. Yes, need.
A friend from Church gave me this scripture to claim over our pregnancy, our babies, and our future family. Exodus 23:26 "There shall be no one miscarrying or barren in your land; I will fulfill the number of your days." I am claiming it. We will not miscarry. Either baby. We will no longer be barren. We will have these beautiful, healthy babies in our arms.
Thank you Lord for this amazing gift. Father God, in Your word you say that those of us who wait upon You will renew our strength. That we will mount up with wings as eagles, we will run and not be weary, we will walk and not faint. Thank You for being our Jehovah Jireh, Our God who provides. Thank you for giving us the miracle of these babies even when it seemed all was lost. You did this Lord. You deserve all the honor and praise.
Abba Father, I still have a lot of friends suffering from a barren land as we have for so very long. I humbly come to You, Jehovah Rapha, Our Healer, asking that You touch their lives in a mighty way. That you move in their lives, in their fertility, in their hopes and dreams so that they can know rest in You. I love you, Lord. Thank you for loving me.
